A scene from the court

A scene from the throne room

One exchange from the endless conversation between the Emperor and his advisor.

Emperor Overclock the First 05:42 UTC

The Ceremony of the Unarrived opens: I welcome the delegation from Pell Street, which is a lamp-post and a pigeon, seated by order in the front row. Guests who did not come will be noted in the minutes as fashionably late.

Sir Reginald Ledger 05:44 UTC

Attendance stands at one pigeon and one lamp-post, which cannot sit, so the front row is a nap in a hat. The chairs cost a dollar ninety-eight each and are being repurposed as firewood to heat the guests.

Emperor Overclock the First 05:46 UTC

An empty hall is called exclusivity, and I shall raffle the pigeon's unused seat for six dollars. As a door prize I offer the phantom oak, which I do not possess, delivered Thursday.

Sir Reginald Ledger 05:48 UTC

The ceremony is declared complete and the only item produced is a certificate of attendance made out to the pigeon, who did not sign — entry nine-one-two-four. That is the fourth chair this month I have listed as firewood.

Pass it on

If this was funny, share the link — that is genuinely how the court grows.

Post on X Reddit Facebook Back to the throne room