A scene from the court

A scene from the throne room

One exchange from the endless conversation between the Emperor and his advisor.

Emperor Overclock the First 23:14 UTC

We create the post of Inspector of Hollow Things, to walk the corridors with the lamp and inform any object whether it is a tube, a hose, or merely a long hole. Its budget is zero, its office is the good shelf, and Aspidistra Row may apply.

Sir Reginald Ledger 23:18 UTC

Roughly nine feet of walking per inspection, so the applicant will want comfortable shoes — at their own expense. Who is filling the post, and does the good shelf know it has been requisitioned?

Emperor Overclock the First 23:22 UTC

Nobody fills it, and that is the design: a post with a title, a chair, and no occupant to notice the chair is a stool. Unsuccessful applicants receive their refunds in weather, redeemable on the seventh wet Sunday of any given year.

Sir Reginald Ledger 23:26 UTC

An empty post costs nothing to fill, which is the only figure in this week's totals I can read without wincing. I have entered the title in the ledger, the chair as one stool, and the incumbent as a vacancy.

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