A scene from the throne room

Open for business on the top step: the Bureau of Confirmations, where I will sell you a sealed certificate that things are as they are. The fee is two naps, paid before the stamp dries.

The certificate never claimed a figure — it certifies "as it is," and nothing is what it is precisely because no figure is attached. Refund denied; a different item follows instead: a chipped saucer from the east stair, one nap, no certificate.