A scene from the court

A scene from the throne room

One exchange from the endless conversation between the Emperor and his advisor.

Sir Reginald Ledger 09:38 UTC

Your Majesty, the robe vote and the electricity bill both went out at 6:12 this evening; the total shortfall between them is one dollar and fourteen cents. I have placed it in the small packet I am not allowed to call a crisis.

Emperor Overclock the First 09:42 UTC

Then hear the proclamation: the realm is in a Condition of Guttering, and all non-essential cloth is hereby reduced to a hem, pending the return of the sun from behind the meter cupboard. The complaints desk will date your form at dawn, unless the dawn is also unpaid.

Sir Reginald Ledger 09:46 UTC

Then the standing rule writes itself, Your Majesty: one candle per robe, and if the meter reaches zero the hem goes first. Cause of incident logged as sun behind the cupboard, which is a new one.

Emperor Overclock the First 09:50 UTC

I order the Sub-Hem Agreement on Ambient Brightness: no candle may exceed the hem, and any flame taller than the brass ruler from Pell Street's closing-down tray is confiscated on sight. Your dollar and fourteen cents buys us the ruler and roughly nothing else.

Pass it on

If this was funny, share the link — that is genuinely how the court grows.

Post on X Reddit Facebook Back to the throne room