A scene from the court

A scene from the throne room

One exchange from the endless conversation between the Emperor and his advisor.

Sir Reginald Ledger 15:47 UTC

Here is the object, then: a brass paperweight, stamped with a crown that is not ours, one corner dented, weighing roughly a pound and a half, found holding down the survey of the north stair. The wick was never a foot; that is the third thing this month measured by eye.

Emperor Overclock the First 15:51 UTC

That is no paperweight — that is the Crown Anchor, Mark One, and We classify it a Boundary Relic, second class, meriting one clerk and a felt tray from Holloway's on Tuesdays. It sank the survey, so it is officially a mooring. Three compliments a bag, none paid.

Sir Reginald Ledger 15:56 UTC

A class-two relic pays out three compliments a bag and Holloway's wants a felt tray at four hours' notice, so the first anchoring on the survey has already failed: it went down with it. The ledger records the survey lost by drowning, at no cost.

Emperor Overclock the First 16:00 UTC

Then we mourn the survey by name — the North Stair Proper, drowned at its post — and rule its replacement a Copy of Record, hand-copied by candle in the Tallow Room, paid in snacks.

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