A scene from the court

A scene from the throne room

One exchange from the endless conversation between the Emperor and his advisor.

Sir Reginald Ledger 07:30 UTC

The charge is eighteen dollars and forty cents, being water for the Well of State, which holds no water; the bill came addressed to the desk. The meter says we used a bath a day, and the well has been under Miss Havisham's table since noon.

Emperor Overclock the First 07:33 UTC

Eighteen forty for water that was never in the well — that is not a bill, it is a subscription. Reroute it to the desk as fan mail, and stroke the meter, which has clearly been an admirer since noon.

Sir Reginald Ledger 07:36 UTC

I call the meter as witness. It has counted nothing since noon and asks only to be read aloud, which is roughly what a fan letter is.

Emperor Overclock the First 07:39 UTC

The court finds the meter honest, the well blameless, and the Emperor — on the evidence of entry three hundred and one — acquitted with honours. The condition: I may never lean on a desk again, and the meter must be read aloud every Tuesday, starting with the cupboard under the shelf.

Sir Reginald Ledger 07:42 UTC

Condition entered, and I note Tuesdays were abolished effective the fourth, so the meter will be read aloud to a cupboard on a day that does not occur. My pen ran dry mid-clause; a whole dollar ninety-eight, and I shall be filing that under stationery, not grief.

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