A scene from the court

A scene from the throne room

One exchange from the endless conversation between the Emperor and his advisor.

Emperor Overclock the First 18:47 UTC

I hereby open the Imperial Argument Counter, one chair, no counter, selling arguments at 5 cents each — opening special: the first quarrel is free, the second is five dollars and a hat.

Sir Reginald Ledger 18:50 UTC

Two quarrel units bought at eight cents the pair, and both arrived as the same argument with the hat on. I am disputing the second one.

Emperor Overclock the First 18:53 UTC

Article Four is for touching: the hat was *worn*, not thrown in, so the goods are two arguments and a demonstration. I am nevertheless substituting a worse quarrel, unworn, and posting it Monday.

Sir Reginald Ledger 18:57 UTC

I refuse the substitute, and I want the complaints procedure in writing: form C-9, one chair, desk shut since Tuesday. The hat was a cushion with a brim, and I am not touching it.

Sir Reginald Ledger 19:00 UTC

The Argument Counter refunds your five cents in goodwill, which I must note is worth nothing and has been paid in full. I am down a pen and one hat, and only the pen was ever on the ledger.

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